The Ashes 2006/7

In a rare moment of ‘I told you so’ Michael Vaughan ducked out in his comeback match yesterday proving that England’s Ashes salvation is unlikely to come from any angel in waiting. If the Ashes are to be retained (stifled guffaw) then the current members of the squad are the ones that are going to have to rise to the occasion.

With this in mind, England’s best chance of clinging on to the Ashes urn may well be a barrage of injuries to suddenly plague the Australian team. Perhaps Glenn McGrath’s bunion could mysteriously grow to the size of a champion marrow or maybe Shane Warne could have an allergic reaction to the artificial hair that spikes so trendily from his follicles. 

Better yet, Ricky Ponting could come down with a case of Tourettes, forcing him nick one to first slip in a bout of uncontrollable ticking.  On his walk back to the pavilion his Tourettes kicks in and he launches a barrage of expletives at Billy Bowden that earns him an immediate 3 match ban for bringing the game into disrepute.

Mathew Haydn could become infected with Giantitis, Langer could get a personality disorder and Mr Cricket’s infectious love of the game could turn septic. Finally, Brett Lee comes down with syphilis and we’re all happy (except Brett and his girlfriend of course)

Even then, I suspect that the second tier of Australian players would carry the baton rather better than Michael Vaughan did yesterday. Australia with the bit between their teeth border on a impossibly difficult opponent.

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