Thank God for Test cricket. The World Cup served to do nothing but completely disenfranchise me from the game and I’m glad I won’t have to see another one for 4 years.

The first Test between England and the Windies at Lords is an odd affair. What the hell has happened to English bowlers. With the obvious exception of Monty, who picks wickets up as much with his unbridled enthusiasm as his talent, the English attack looks alarmingly ineffective bloody awful.

There is one day to go in the first test, and ten wickets needed! Who is the go-to-guy? Who does Strauss throw the ball to and say - ‘Get me a wicket fella’. Or who does he go to when the runs are flowing to stem the tide. ‘Okay Harmy, steady the ship’, ‘Liam, 5 overs of line and length please’. Not on your nelly.

There is no balance or potency on display in this attack and it makes for ugly watching. Unless Harmison finds some outstandingly good sleep tonight and wakes up with a new wrist (there’s a bad taste joke in there somewhere) this match is a heading for a draw.

Remember Adelaide?

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World Cup 2007

I had a girlfriend once who was a total slut. During the time we had our thing going on, I was convinced she had at least 2 other men banging her senseless and yet it took me a long time to kick her into touch. (I didn’t actually kick her you understand). The problem was that she was a cracking looking girl that I was thoroughly infatuated with and so I put up with her slappish ways in spite of myself.

Why I am I telling you this? I don’t know, some form of cheap therapy maybe! No the reason is, that my relationship with cricket is starting to resemble the relationship I had with that whorish cow. (I’m really not bitter)

I’m tolerating cricket’s inadequacies because of my affection for the game.

This World Cup has been a tepid affair, underwhelming me at every opportunity and yet despite the mediocrity of the event I still had my alarm set to watch the final, because cricket is a gorgeous game. But to see the final of a flagship event turn into a Mr Bean sketch is frankly a bridge too far and the administrative bumbles that cricket inflicts upon itself on an all too regular basis is finally catching up with me.

The game needs an overhaul. The role and power of the umpire needs to be examined and rethought. The ways in which a match can be concluded needs decisive clarity. The format and length of the World Cup needs massively reshaping and Bob Woolmer’s murderer needs catching.

Cricket, specifically but not exclusively the ICC, has long abused the loyalty and passion of the fan, trundling along in a three wheeled cart of antiquity despite the overwhelming need for energy and inspiration to drive the game forward.

Every moment spent watching cricket is starting to feel like a betrayal of my dignity and like my ex found out, even the besotted have their breaking points.

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I watched the England-West Indies-Dead Rubber-Lara farewell-Game as a half hour highlights show on my Vodafone mobile, (As an aside I have to say that my little Motorola V3X makes for surprisingly pleasant viewing) as I reckon the match wasn’t worthy of viewing on a full size screen. Why has Vaughan saved his best performance for a game that matters little (other than perhaps to save his ass)

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World Cup 2007

I have been struggling to garner any real enthusiasm for this world cup. The first 43 matches played have offered up some minor moments of interest but hardly enough to encourage me to set my alarm for the ungodly hour required to watch many of the matches live.

This morning though was different and match 44 had a refreshing buzz. A do or die game for England and South Africa played in front of an energetic crowd had contrived - for the first time this tournament - to create a sense of occasion worthy of sacrificing some serious sleep for. The fool in me even believed that England were saving their best performances for when the chips were down and that victory was a realistic possibility.

What a fool I am. England were blown off the park like fag ash off a shirt sleeve, outmaneuvered every step of the way by a team with more desire, tactical nous and - dare I say this of a South African side - nerve.

Where England’s batsmen nervously prodded and poked, South Africa by contrast grabbed their opportunity by ripping into the Poms like a cheetah tearing the flesh off a felled zebra.

There is a noisy band of commentators - most of them ex England players - offering a quick tinker with the batting order as the fix to England’s atrocious form. I have no confidence that such a tinker would change a thing. For the reality is, that quite simply, this England side is not very good at all.

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KINGSTON, Jamaica - Jamaican police have launched a murder inquiry into the death of Pakistan cricket coach Bob Woolmer at the World Cup, saying he was strangled. In a shocking revelation this afternoon, a picture has been released of a man seen beating on Woolmer’s door and shouting “Woolmer!”. Police hope with the release of the photo a member of the public may recognise the suspect. Click the Read More link to see photo. Read more »

Tags;Bob woolmer, cricket

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